Don't Judge Me for What I Appear to be, Judge Me for Who I Am.

How is it that I can cry tears and tears for someone I don't even know, but can barely cry more then a couple of tears for myself? I have cried 3 times in the passed few weeks, the first time was 4 tears, the second two were 1 tear each. Before that, I hadn't cried one tear for myself in the passed two years. Maybe I never dealt with the pain, and now I think it's too late to reach that part of me that used to be so open. Some people might think I'm trying to sound tough, and that's fine. I'd rather you think I'm tough then what I really am.

My bad mood has nothing to do with anyone within reach. My bad mood has everything to do with things I can't change, and people who have been gone from me for too long now...

And all you've said and done, has walked me through your kingdom. I'll tell you what I see, I see the difference in everything... I never wanted you, I never wanted this, I am ready to live again, take me away from here.....

It takes more time than I've ever had,
drains the life from me,
makes me want to forget.
As young as I was, I felt older back then.
More disciplined, stronger and certain,
but I was scared to death of eternity.
I was saved by grace,
but destroyed by naivety,
and I lied to myself,
and said it was for the best.
So now, faith is replaced with a logic so cold.
I've disregarded what I was,
now that I'm older
and I know much more than I did back then,
but the more I learn,
the more I can't understand.
And I've become content with this life that I lead,
where I drink too much, and don't believe in much of anything.
And I lie to myself,
and say "it's for the best."
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back,
and we're waiting on something that will never come...